Beauty

One of the beautiful things about Singtel is how they assign IPs. They get a ton of addresses. When your computer requests to go onto the Internet, the database grabs one at random and passes it to you. The next time you go onto the Internet, they grab another one for me.

The next beautiful thing is my knowledge. You know the 55-38-7 rule? I think it's bullshit, but here it is. 55% of what you're saying comes from body language. 38% comes from your tone, and only 7% comes from your words. Another interesting thing about this pile of crap. Salespeople are taught this. Another thing taught is NLP. It teaches you how to analyze a person's body language, work out his personality. Then, you modify everything to become a magic bullet against them.

So now you know why that salesperson is copying you...

Here's what they hope:

*copy*
*copy*
*copy*

You: I think I'm falling in love with you. I'LL BUY IT! I'LL BUY ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SELL ME!!!

Salesperson: I'm good. Would you like to buy the air around me? Just a thousand bucks.

You frantically search for a thousand dollars.

Here's what really happens:

*copy*
*copy*
*copy*

You: Stop copying me, you fucking pedo!

You kick him in the nuts and stalk off.

He writhes in pain and wonders what went wrong.

Anyway, where was I?

Oh. I was about to mention how those 2 fit together.

You need my final skill. The ability to bullshit off the top of your head. Now add in the anonymous encyclopedia known as Wikipedia, and you see what I do when I'm bored. I've vandalized Scientology, PTC and other articles.

No wait. You can't really call it vandalism. Vandalism is removal and/or adding large sections of text. It's obvious when vandalism occurs. If you view that article often, those... crude vandalism literally screams, "Someone vandalized me! Undo it! UNDO IT!!!"

My edits are more subtle. I use synonyms to elicit a better response. I play with the URL so that secure links are used on sites that can't. I play down viewpoints against mine by using words such as "allegedly", "claimed", "generalized" etc. I drum up emotions. I play with numbers.

You know the Janet Jackson thing. It's been timed. 9/16th of a second. I change the 9, to a 5 and it seems way shorter. I change it to 13, and people start screaming Janet's a pornstar. See my point?

Mabel, the Manipulator.

Update: I just realized one of my friend's sister looks A LOT like a certain vertically and horizontally-challenged teacher...

Anyway, this holiday is coming to an end, so adios for now!