How to impersonate yours truly

What happens to me all the time.

Scenario 1:

P1: You going for it today?
P2: No.
P1: Why not?
P2: Why should I?
P1: They'll kill you for not going.
P2: Fuck them.
P1: They'll still kill you before you get to rape them.
P2: I got *insert valid excuse*.
P1: Oh...

Scenario 2:

P1: I think I know where it hurts.
P2: Where?
P1: *points at Body Part A* My *Body Part B* hurts.
P2: Uhh...

Scenario 3:

Student: May I go to the toilet?
Teacher: For what?
Student: To assemble my cold fusion reactor/To launch a nuclear missile at North Korea to start World War 3/To play baseball with Cthulhu/To feed my flying unicorns.
Student: ._.'''

Scenario 4:

P1: Can I ask you a question?
P2: Yeah. Go ahead.
P1: *insert awkward question*
P2: >.>

<.<

Uhh...

So there you have it. You can now impersonate me, except that you need to be quite well-read, and well-informed about a ton of stuff. Let's see.

There's my huge pile of "Mabel's Crap of the Day" (It isn't exactly everyday, but still...), my huge pile of philosophical theories, like the Gaia Hypothesis, Omphalos Hypothesis, Anthropic Principle, Peter Principle, my even bigger knowledge of crap which people my age usually don't know, my distaste for homework, my random obsessions and mood swings, and my knowledge of random trivia.

For example, Kurt Gödel was a paranoid recluse with an irrational fear of being poisoned. He starved to death because of that.

Nash, game theory mathematician who defined the Nash equilibrium (a state where all parties are better off not changing in case not everybody changes), subject of the film A Beautiful Mind, who won the Nobel Prize before succumbing to schizophrenia.

Richard Feynman, famed physicist, and member of the Manhattan Project once failed a military-draft psychiatric test by over-thinking it. And when he was asked to join the Challenger shuttle disaster investigation, he saw the problem nearly immediately, and when asked to prove it, he didn't do a triple-blind, controlled, peer-reviewed study. He dropped an O-ring into his cup of ice water and showed what happened to it. Not to mention how he got his idea for his Nobel Prize winning research into quantum electrodynamics. He saw a paper plate wobble in mid-flight, thought it interesting, and started thinking.

And finally, Usain Bolt broke the world record for the 100m sprint, while mucking around before the run, not tying his shoelaces, and basically celebrating his victory 20m away from the finishing line.

Those are awesome too. Keep that in mind. you're supposed to become more excited when you get to talk about them, no matter how moody you are. I went from emo, to excited when I started discussing how best to insult someone by referring to necrophilia, bestiality, incest and pedophilia. You'd have to, so I'd suggest being somewhat messed-up in the cranial region. Just not in the Logic Department, because I'm awesome with numbers. Perhaps in the Down-to-earth or the Humbleness sector of the brain.

Other things to note. Do not limit your knowledge to maths, science and philosophy. Feel free to bring in Chekov's Gun, deus ex machinas, among other literary devices. Oh, and don't forget the song lyrics and Haruhi references. No need to make them obvious.

And finally, if you want to impersonate me, you'll need to be able to swear easily, and make sexual jokes, and the ability to see the world as sexual innuendoes after sexual innuendoes.

Mabel, the Quirky.